Wednesday, January 28, 2009

One (1) Puppy

After moving from Japan, it was our first Christmas in our new home in Santa Cruz. My daughter Jeremi was in second grade and she wrote a letter to Santa in crayon that said she wanted a new puppy for Christmas - more than anything in this world. The holiday arrived with alarming speed, however, and there was no puppy bouncing out from under the tree that Christmas morning. But Santa had not forgotten. He had left an official letter rolled up and tied with red yarn nestled in the bows of the tree. It was addressed to my daughter and it was signed in a spectacular flourish by the Jolly Old Elf himself. He explained that she had been a very, very good girl, and so she could indeed have a puppy! But he wanted her to have the joy - and the responsibility - of choosing the pet on her own. She must also promise to love, feed, clean, walk and take good care of her choice. He included an official looking cut-out coupon at the bottom of the page, good for "One (1) Puppy".
A few weeks later, on the way home from Japanese school, I took Jeremi and her coupon to the C.A.R.E shelter in San Jose. The 'Companion Animal Rescue Effort' saved pets from neglect, abuse or abandonment and provided them to caring families for a nominal fee. We walked into a large room with caged dogs on the sides. We were met at the door and we asked for a puppy, but received a stern look from the woman in charge. She glanced down at my small child, and inquired if we had any 'smaller' children at home. Indeed, I said, two boys, one in kindergarten and a one year old. The stern face smiled briefly and then explained that puppies and babies or toddlers don't go well together. Neither one of them properly understands the boundaries of the other, and they often treat each other badly. The puppy is invariably the loser in this scenario. Besides, she said, they don't have any puppies available here at C.A.R.E.

Oh. So, I learned some things.

She offered that they did have plenty of beautiful fully grown dogs that would be more appropriate for our family anyway. Please take a look. She didn't beg. She insisted.

We wandered down the aisle, a bit dismayed but wanting to check out the goods anyway. After all we'd come this far. There was a couple of very small miniature-style dogs including a chihuahua-type with a name tag of "Charlie" that caught our eye. Hmmm, same name as my oldest son and definitely smaller than even a normal puppy, we thought. Maybe...
But we wandered on. Then we came upon what appeared to us to be a 'golden retriever puppy' with a name tag "ButterScotch". Perfect! Jeremi lit up. We were told that she was actually fully grown and was probably a mix between a golden retriever and some other "significantly smaller dog". I tried hard not to imagine the actual mixing which occurred to create this lovely dog. The stern face explained, this dog wouldn't grow any more and was actually a good size and temperament for a house with small kids. Not too big, not too rowdy, well-behaved. Jeremi could probably handle her on a leash already, they suggested. Of course, that meant BS (Butterscotch) was immediately put on a cheap plastic leash made of red twine and we were sent out to the parking lot with her "just to see how it feels". Jeremi could barely contain herself as she ran and giggled and tried to keep up. BS wagged her tail and Jeremi would have if she had one. BS was very skinny and she walked with an odd wiggle in her hind legs. They looked out of line with the rest of her body, like she needed a rear end alignment, rotation and balancing - or something. I asked if she had been hit by a car - or something? They politely told me that they couldn't tell me even if they knew - and they don't. The dogs were all cleared by a vet for general health and this dog was fine and full of energy and we'd be doing her and ourselves a tremendous favor if we took her home with us... Hmmm, I looked down at Jeremi and she was absolutely beaming! So I said, we'll take her, but what is the cost? You see, all we have is this coupon from Santa... After careful examination of said coupon for authenticity, validity, expiry and an intense discussion on the definition and applicability of the phrase 'One (1) Puppy' to this case, they accepted the coupon! Ahh, the magic of Christmas!
After a brief side discussion that resulted in me paying $125 for "One (1) Red Leash" we were on our way home. Jeremi sat in the backseat of the car buckled up with BS sitting obediently at her side. I glanced back in the rear view probably a thousand times because Jeremi's eyes were so wide and her smile so huge as she just stared in silence at HER NEW PUPPY! She was clearly ecstatic. It was an hour drive home and I swear I've never seen someone smile so hard for so long in my life.


At home we quickly agreed that 'ButterScotch' was a mouthful, BS was inappropriate, and we should give her a new name. The boys were watching a Peanuts cartoon, and so we decided on the name "Sali" with an "i" at the end, just like Jeremi. In Japanese we'd call her "Sa-chan". Then we took Sali to Derby Park and discovered she would bark defensively at any other dog she met. We also discovered that if we threw a tennis ball as far as we could onto the grassy field, she would run it down and bring it right back to us time after time after time after time...

...and time itself did go on a long walk. It is now thirteen Christmases and hundreds of slobbered tennis balls later. Time flowed with hope and cheer, easily and joyously for years. We played with Sali at the park and the beach and she always barked rudely at the other dogs. We got pet hamsters, guinea pigs, hermit crabs and an imperious cat and Sali accepted them all graciously. Then a beach tragedy cost us our Charlie, and turned Time into a grief stricken, merciless struggle. It no longer flowed, but rushed hard out of our hearts. Time trudged on painfully, desperately, hopelessly. Time would pass regardless of whether we had an unwaveringly faithful pet dog at our side, or not.

And that very same Time turned our beloved D-O-G very O-L-D.



Jeremi is now in her third year in college and has her whole life ahead of her. Sali, on the other hand, does not. Her golden fur turned white and she slowly lost her eye sight and then her hearing. She lost control of her rear left leg completely when arthritis finally shook the wiggle loose. She lost control of her bowels and finally stopped eating entirely. We called in the vet to 'do the right thing' so she wouldn't suffer any longer. We all stroked her fur while she lay on our living room floor on a beach towel with a scene of a Hawai'in sunset on it. The injection mercifully and swiftly took her from us. Another life, and love, lost on a beach.



Today is Wed. January 28, 2009. I miss you, Sal.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

"hanging by a thread"

Time to move forward, straight but not narrow.
Well, the evidence is all around us.
The ice caps are melting from west to east.
""scientists in Antarctica say a major ice shelf is about to break away from the continent. The Wilkins Ice Shelf is said to be "hanging by a thread" from the Antarctic Peninsula, the strip of land pointing from the white continent towards the southern tip of South America.""

Fuck! I just put 1,000 miles on my 96 volt EV Rabbit, powered by a 3.4 Kw solar panel system on the roof of my house, the front door of which is all of 50 feet above sea level. Fuck! Why the USA isn't on board with this lifestyle, yet, I'll never know. But maybe, now is the time. It's time to feed from the sun, not the earth.
Feeding In Renewable Energy Breakthroughs
http://www.greentechmedia.com/articles/feeding-in-renewable-energy-breakthroughs-5556.html

So he's gone now. Off into a beautiful sunset brightly colored by the greenhouse gasses he did nothing about. Baby George is happy now, back in Texas with his fam damily. You can bet they're listen' to both kinds of music: Country and Western. You betcha!
And here's the song W oughta sing to all of us.
Brenda Lee's, I'm Sorry. (mea culpa, I changed one lousy word.)



I'M SORRY

I'm sorry, so sorry
That I was such a fool
I didn't know
Love could be so cruel
Oh oh oh oh uh-oh oh yes
You tell me mistakes
Are part of being dumb(ya)
But that don't right
The wrong that's been done
(I'm sorry) I'm sorry
(So sorry) So sorry
Please accept my apology
But love is blind
And I was to blind to see.
Oh oh oh oh uh-oh oh yes
You tell me mistakes
Are part of being dumb(ya)
But that don't right
The wrong that's been done
Oh oh oh oh uh-oh oh yes
I'm sorry, so sorry
Please accept my apology
But love was blind
And I was too blind to see
Sorry


YEEE HA!




Or. Willie Nelson sang it best, of course.
I changed one word of his lyric, and I want to dedicate it to W.
... and tell him, "Hey Texas! Don't Mess With Vermont!"


Somewhere in Texas
A cowboy dreams of the days
When the buffalo roamed
And he wished he had lived then
Cause he knew that he could have been
The best cowboy
The world had ever known
He went dancing that night
With his San Antone rose
The one he would marry someday
To the music of Bob Wills
And polkas and waltzes
While beautiful time passed away
Going home in this pickup not knowing this stickup
Was in progress on the same side of town
By a man in a truck the same kind he was driving
Bad karma was soon coming down
Before the store owner died she had tried to describe
The man who had shot him that day
And he described to a letter the misunderestimated cowboy
So he tried him and sent him away

W is for Whatever.

As they used to say at the height of the British Empire.
"The King Is Dead. Long Live The King."

Amen,
--F;

God Bless Everyone...

Pic - The Yahoo poll map the day before the historic election, November 3, 2008.

Even America.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Out With The Old. In With The... New?

2009 is starting out full of loss.

I mentioned Jerry Mac in my previous post. The 18 year old young man paralyzed from the collarbone down after taking a header off a dirt bike on the 2nd day of this new year. I visited him once and am wishing for a miracle for his complete recovery. It will be a long year - or years - for him and his family, but the one thing they know they have that is most critical is HOPE. I know too well what it's like to live without that most important piece. I hope to support them through this struggle in some way, and run in his honor - along with Charlie, of course.

On the 9th day of this new year, my last remaining colleague in the Localization Department where I work resigned for a better job and a chance to work back in Asia. I took ScottC and his beautiful young Thai wife to lunch that day and wished them well. I'm literally the last man standing in department that once had a multimillion dollar budget and almost 30 people. It makes me feel incredibly vulnerable in these days of cost-cutting. I know. I'm not alone.

On the 12th day of this new year, my angel for years said goodbye. I am forever grateful for this angel who basically saved my life and taught me how to live and love again. If you have ever been blessed with such an angel in your life you will know what I'm talking about. Maybe angels are not meant to stay forever. Maybe that's why they have wings. That's all I'll say.

There are other ominous signs of loss looming in 2009.

Job cuts and investment losses are mounting and threatening everyone across the world. Barack, buddy, I wish you the courage to reshape this world to something more sustainable, humane and compassionate.

Much more closer to home, and much more important really, our beloved dog, Sali, is literally on her last legs. She is a mix between a golden retriever and some smaller dog. Jeremi got a 'coupon from Santa' good for One Dog Of Your Choice in 1986. She picked out this fully grown dog from the CARE (Companion Animal Rescue Effort) in Santa Clara one Saturday on the way home from Japanese school. They didn't know how old she was, but she had been 'mistreated' and walked with a little twist in her back legs. Now her rear right leg appears useless and is practically falling off. Arthritis has crippled her but she can still walk. Her eyes are both milky white from cataracts. She lost a front tooth on the floor near her bed last week. She doesn't eat much of anything anymore but biscuits and hot dogs, if that, so she isn't taking her pain or arthritis medicine either. She is skinny and weak and sometimes falls down on the slippery pergo kitchen floor and can't get up. Her face fur is almost completely white. She's lost control of her bowels for the most part, too, and is leaving a trail of loose poop on the carpet every morning now.
The signs are all there and certainly I don't want her to suffer. Yet, she'll still try to walk to the ocean or Derby Park and back. She'll still bark at other dogs she meets during her walk - even at imagined dogs that really aren't there. She'll still wag her tail when I pet her. She'll still move her feet and legs while she sleeps, dreaming of chasing a tennis ball (or better prey) perhaps. I look up in our living room at the self-portrait close-up photograph Charlie took of his face with his 'Wild Card' Red Sox cap on next to a younger more vibrant Sali. I go to snuggle Sali, and she'll still lick the tears off my face when I do.

You never know.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Holiday break - and another heart break

Over the holiday break I watched some movies and read most of a book. In these stories, a recurring theme of 'follow your passion' or 'use your time, here it's precious' presented itself to me at the end of year. Telling me to get to it in 2009, I suppose. 'It' meaning my own life's true passion and calling.

"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" was a wonderful movie . I want to watch it again. During the movie he mentions a few times that opportunities taken or not, fateful turns and being true to oneself are important to pay attention to, time marches on and there are really no second chances. So we best get to being our own true selves NOW - is what went unsaid. The F. Scott Fitzgerald short story this movie is based on would be a fun read. The movie is long, but without a wasted moment and I highly recommend it.

"Man on Wire" was an incredible documentary on DVD. For me, someone who is terrified of heights, whoa, it is, as they say in the Princess Bride, inconceivable. Almost hard to believe what this man and his team pulled off, but it's all true! And if there was ever a person on this earth who lived purely in the moment and unflinchingly followed his passion, well Phillipe Petit is the guy. This Frenchman is the real deal, and thus begs the question: is this guy a role model or clearly insane or both. I don't think he cares what you think - he's in love with what he does. Must be.

"Ghost Rider" is a book by Neal Peart, the drummer and lyricist for the Canadian classic rock band RUSH. His memoir is about his lengthy journey on a BMW motorcycle all over the western hemisphere in search of himself shortly after suffering the loss of his daughter and then his wife in the span of 12 months. Neal also talks about his admiration for the writer Jack London, his hero, who's credo is simple: life is short, time is precious, so use it well. Jack died at the age of 40. Neal, the 'ghost writer' and 'ghost rider' talks a lot about the 'that person he used to be' but is no longer and his need to find a place in real life again. Wow, a lot of his statements are seemingly taken directly from my own mind.

Then, earlier this week, the real world reared back and returned with a bitch slap to the face which stings worse from the salty tears.

I wrote this email Tuesday (1/6/9) night:

Chris Proffitt is a former x-country team mate of Charlie's. He and his family have been a big source of encouragement and support through the years. Chris ran some training runs and races with me before the SF Marathon two years ago and has always had kind words and great memories to share of Charlie and our trips to the freshman XC meets together. He's on the UC Irvine track team and keeps me posted. His mom, Trish, organized the talent show at the middle school where Charlie's garage band, Scrap Metal, won first place. She let me know this sad news yesterday...

Another one of Chris' friends and XC H.S. team mates (same class as Charlie), Jerry MacCallister, had a dirt bike accident on Jan 2 and is currently paralyzed. He's had two surgeries, but so far all he can do is blink. I don't know Jerry personally but I have seen him run. I will visit him in the TCU at Santa Clara Valley Med Ctr (same hospital, same wing Misao was in) tomorrow after work to give him some encouragement.

If you think 2009 is going to be tough for you (..and pretty much I think we all do!), just stop and think for a moment what this young man and his family are fighting for right now.

You never know.

http://followingjerry.blogspot.com/

Please take care,
--Scott;

""

Further info:

Here's what happened:
http://www.riderdown.org/forum/showthread.php?s=d6ffe176c06109a5d2beb6d5edc5eb73&t=1460


And the Facebook group to follow Jerry:
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=44783796493

And I posted this just tonight after visiting them.
""
I met Jerry, Dennis and Katie for the first time at the hospital this evening. The SCVMC hospital that's all too familiar to me, since I watched my own wife walk out of there after a serious car accident just ten months ago. Jerry looked me in the eyes and seemed bright and alert, but a bit perplexed by the strange man with too much to say who came to visit. Jerry - I hope to let you do all the talking on my next visit. Dennis and Katie both are strong, courageous and very compassionate parents who obviously have tremendous faith. We all want to see the miracle happen here and see this brave young man continue to recover. Take it one day at a time and feel the love from everyone pulling for you.
Be Well!
--Scott;
January 8, 2009 12:02 AM
""

Katie, Jerry's mom, posted a blog entry about finally being able to communicate with Jerry enough to know he wanted to hear his Zune, and he wanted to hear music for 'Death Cab for Cutie'. I saw the post and googled for the group and from a list of about 50 songs clicked on one of them randomly to see the lyrics.

These are the lyrics I read:

http://www.metrolyrics.com/all-is-full-of-love-lyrics-death-cab-for-cutie.html

All is Full of Love (apparently a remake of a Bjork song)

you'll be given love
you'll be taken care of
you'll be given love
you have to trust it
maybe not from the sources
you've poured yours
into
maybe not
from the directions
you are
staring at
twist your head around
it's all around you
all is full of love
all around you
all is full of love
you just ain't receiving
all is full of love
your phone is off the hook
all is full of love
your doors are all shut
all is full of love


And here it is on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqHPgFygMkk

Wow. Is that both powerful and haunting, or what?


My thoughts and prayers are with Jerry and his family. Godspeed in your recovery.
You are one brave young man.